Numb
by jackyt
Summary: He was five when activated his Sharingan accidentally for the first time. Itachi became jealous, dad became proud, but he himself was scared to tears. Then mom took his hand and held it all the way home, her face assuring and kind and smiling...


**Disclaimer:**I don't own Naruto, and, unfortunately, I don't own Sasuke, heh…

**Summary:**Suck at summaries. Just mind it's my fiction about what could happen, after Sasuke had killed his brother at Uchiha hideout and, beaten badly,faced with Akatsuki next.

------------

…_He was five when__ activated his Sharingan accidentally for the first time. Itachi became jealous, dad became proud, but he himself was scared to tears. Then mom took his hand and held it all the way home, her face assuring and kind and smiling, her hair streaming in the summer breeze…_

------------

It was night already when, finally they brought him into hospital bed. Unconscious, beaten and starved almost to death, he was bleeding inside and outside. And who knows, maybe he would be bleeding mentally if only came to consciousness.

He always hated crowds, so it was bliss he couldn't see all of them packed in a small white room – Kakashi team and a whole Anbu unit, and even Tsunade herself came despite everyone's reasoning.

"Enough jokes! There's no way for half-finished 15 years old boy to harm my single hair" – she snapped, making her way towards the bed. – "Sakura, you look not much better than him. Got get some sleep. Now!"

"B-But… But!.."

"He's not gonna die right now. Besides, you're low of chakra and just holding his hand won't help him."

"What's wrong with him, Tsunade-sama? I tried… I tried so hard to heal…"

"His seal. With it, he learned to block any foreign chakra touching his body directly. Even yours, Sakura, and even mine."

"Then what… what we're going to do, Tsunade baa-chan? He's getting worse, isn't he?"

"Call me that name again, Naruto, and I'll beat it down your throat with all my… Anyways, we'll just wait."

"Just wait?! What the?!."

"Calm down, Naruto," – Kakashi appeared with a little puff and put his hand on his apprentice' shoulder. – "We'll wait until that cursed seal uses all his strength to last drop and deactivates by itself."

"But it's… Sasuke will… he won't stand it! Don't do it to him, please! There must be another way!"

"Sakura…" – Hokage's eyes glinted sternly, then she sighed and said softly and tiredly: "We did all we could to treat his inner damages, his blood loss and broken bones. Wounds doesn't cure all by themselves. Now we can do nothing but wait and see if he survives the curse."

Someone was holding his hand. Or was it just his feverish delusion? Whatever. It was good to feel someone's soft touch before he died.

He was dying, he knew. Man cannot live long with so many bleeding holes in his body. But it didn't matter. Everything he cared of was done. Everything he loved was far, far away or rested in peace: his abandoned home, his avenged clan, his dead brother.

He didn't care of pain or surviving now. He used to cold and pain, learned to welcome it. But now he could rest too.

"Sasuke-kun… Don't die like this! We need you!.. Please…"

No, they didn't. Indeed. Why should anyone need him alive? To have him dead would suit everyone perfectly. No offence taken. It would suit him too.

But…

_Thanks,__ whoever you are… Thank you for holding it…for holding my damned hand. _

Now that she's avenged, he would imagine her… Imagine his mom holding his still untainted uncalloused and unexperienced hand…

Now he could allow himself to grieve for them all. Allow himself to cry for them.

To cry properly for the first time in several years. Crying now won't make him weak this time, would it? Would it also bring any relief?..

There wasn't enough strength and enough air in his wounded lungs to breath deeply while tears formed and streamed down his cheeks. Too bad. Cursed seal consumed all his remained chakra and physical energy…

"Time! Hurry up and hold him!.."

_Unfair…__Let it be… let me go… don't touch me anymore… don't want to…_

"Don't you dare to kick the bucket right in my hospital, you son of a!.. Sakura, do it as I said! Damn it! Where's Shizune?!"

Foreign chakra invaded him, making him stir and shake violently. Warm and worrying.

"Breath already! Foolish brat! Stop resisting… And let me see your eyes, or I'll slap you!"

Hokage. She should kill him, not save. So annoying…

---------------

It was the next evening when he awakened slowly. He didn't know how long he was unconscious, or what time it was: his room had no windows.

His body feeled light and numb, and trembled a little with fever. There was nothing interesting to see, except white ceiling and the dropper attached to his right hand.

"Now good evening, Sasuke."

Someone was sitting next to his bed, reading something.

Sasuke turned his head slowly on a cold pillow, and body protested against that slight movement. But what he's seen was worth any effort.

Kakashi didn't change a bit… It felt strangely relieving to see something unchanged from almost three years ago.

_He most probably hate me. So why he's here? Was it him who saved me?_

"Well, there's Anbu team behind the doors and walls. And I, being one of them, was given a task to watch you from inside the room." – Kakashi explained light-heartedly, as if he knew what Sasuke was thinking of. – "Though if you ask me, I believe you still too sick to break the walls today."

"Why did you?.." – it was hard to speak aloud. Sasuke coughed, winced in pain and asked under his breath: "Why... bring me here?" – As if it really did matter.

"Obviously, because it's the only place to save your life."

Sasuke was still staring, and Kakashi put away his book with a little sigh.

"Do you think we could leave you there?"

"Had to."_ You owe me nothing. Nothing. I am nothing._

"Sasuke… Hate and self-interest is not the only things people can feel to each other."

_Is it?_

"You know, don't you, that hate makes you strong. But it burns out everything else in your soul as it's fuel. Leaves you empty after it's gone."

_Late to tell… _

"It burns soul itself…" – he closed his sore eyes to not to see the teacher's unbearably warm gaze. He didn't deserve that warmth. It felt painful. It felt.

"Being soulless, you wouldn't save Naruto." – Kakashi said.

Silence lingered as Sasuke tried to remember… or to forget…

"Had I… saved him?"

"Don't you remember your fight against Akatsuki, right after your… revenge?"

Wait… The day of Itachi's death… Was it just yesterday? Or years ago?.. Sasuke was way too exhausted and injured back then to remember things clearly.

Not that he had any chances or any wish to survive in that half-dead state he was after Itachi's death. Akatsuki made it clear they need him alive, but his plan was just simply die before turning into someone's property again. Someone's tool and toy. Someone's body and lover…

Did he care of Naruto's life?.. He rather cared of his own decease.

"I did it all for myself…" – he found himself whispering.

"Same goes for Naruto. He brought you here for himself. Isn't it fair?.. Oh, but rest now or you'll start coughing blood again, and Sakura will punch me to death…"

------------------------------- if you'd like to know…--------------------------------

Next chap. fragment:

"_Erm… Your Hebi freaks."- Like daemon's vessel was one to speak of freaks… - "One is here, in Konoha. Juugo. He asked to be locked in jail, so he won't hurt anyone while you're asleep."_

_Right. One still remained. What a pain… _

_Suigetsu'd gone pursuing Kisame. Wise of him._

_Karin… _

_Why girls're so stupid?! He didn't need her to love him. Didn't need her die for him. He ordered her to survive. To run. To return to her country and start the new life if possible…_


End file.
